This one's for you, Syd.

As most people know, I am an animal lover. I've have so many pets, some wild and some from pet shops. Hamsters, snakes turtles, lizards, rats, fish, hermit crabs, frogs and a dog. For some people to say "Its just a rat" usually means that they don't know them because if they did, they would understand how they make wonderful pets. To me, they are not dirty animals, their loving and attention seeking creatures. What most people don't know is that there are different kinds of rats. There are wild rats that you see running around in cities/woods/foreign counties, then there are humane rats or "pet rats". I rescued my three rats from becoming snake food and they have been the best pets next to dogs! They love attention and love when you play with their tail and scratch behind their ears.


Well, out of the three (Syd, Peanut and Stewart) Syd was my favorite. She was the smallest of the three and was the most loving animal, not to mention an excellent escape artist! A few weeks ago she developed a large tumor on her left side. At first she was fine. She ate and drank normally and was herself. After two weeks had passed, she worsened. She stopped eating, she stopped moving and started chewing at the tumor. She was in pure pain and it killed me to see her in the state she was in.

Tonight (or should I say this morning) I took her out of the cage, away from the other two, and held her in a towel for two and a half hours. She never had been that still since I had her. She laid in my hands looking miserable. When I finally put her back in her cage, I punched holes in a shoe box and lined it was a towel for her to stay in for the night so the other two wouldn't bother her. By the time I reached the cage she began to have spasms and she finally passed.

Rest in peace little girl. Miss you already.

It's not that easy, to be me.

Chris Martin from the band Coldplay, couldn't have said it better in his song "fix you"..
"When you try your best but you don't succeed, when you get what you want, but not what you need"..

This line basically sums up my life as of right now. Unfortunately, things this semester are taking a rotten turn like last semester. It's very annoying and very depressing everyday to think. "why am I giving it my all and ending up empty handed?"

some may say that I'm NOT giving it my all, by results..but believe me I AM!
I'm the kind of person who sometimes tries very hard, but ends up getting screwed over,
and that is exactly what is happening right now. It sucks, but I'm used to being disappointed, unfortunately. This feeling is nothing new to me, but it brings me down, and gives me absolutly no hope that there will ever be improvement.

But what do you do when you feel like your at your wits end? When you feel like this is it..I'm done wasting time and money doing something that I'm not good at and know I will NEVER be good at it. My major is not math, it is Human Services, which does NOT involve math. So why, why WHY am I forced to do this? I was never ever EVER good at mathematics..never..and now this is big time, where if I don't do well, I'm cut from the college. I want to finish my four years out, I absolutely do NOT want to be kicked out because of something that will NEVER change with me. It isn't my attitude or the way I think about it, IT IS WHAT IT IS and it will ALWAYS be that way.

right now, I could punch someone/something.

why does it have to be so complicated?

Well to start this one off, I am in the most awkward mood.
have you ever caught yourself missing something, or wanting something you know you just shouldn't miss or want? Well right now, I feel that way. But what it is that I miss or want, I don't know.

How confusing right? It's rather annoying. But anyway, I'm on spring break and so far so good, kind of. This week will probably consist of doing nothing, attempting my book report, and getting messy at the st. patty's parade on Sunday, depending upon the status of friends that day. Oh so exciting huh? Not really. Summer needs to get here already. I need sunny days when I can lay a blanket out in the backyard and enjoy the sun. Not to mention OBX, NC. My most favorite getaway.

As for now, I have to deal with this strange feeling, and the cold. In 2 days it will be 2 months until school is done, and I can not be any happier.

well I guess thats it for now. Goodnight, or should I say, Good morning.

Thank you Grandma..the deceased one?

Ok so, this has been on my mind all day (thanks to watching my Ghost Hunters Season 2 DVD's), Back in Oct. of 2008, a man by the name of Christopher Moon visited my school, and did a presentation on spirits, followed by a "ghost hunt", and time to chat with someone from the other side. WELL...I thought this 'telephone to the dead' was a spoof. Chris gave a breif history on the thing, and that he has a contact on the other side who goes by the name of Tyler. Tyler is 18 and died in Colorodo I think. Tyler helps Chris get in contact with whomever you wish to speak to.

For someone who is a devoted believer in spirits, I wasn't too sure about this box that Mr. Moon had set up. I mean come on, this is the kind of thing you see in movies and on t.v. so how can it possibly be 100% real....I was soon about to find out. Christopher told everyone in the room to feel free and ask a question. No one raised their hand, so I decided to try it out, after all it may not work. A man helping with all the technical stuff handed me a microphone and I asked, "is my great grandmother with my grandmother", Chris asked me my name, then my Grandmother's names. A few seconds later you hear out of the box "yeeesss". following the 'yes' was a "always watching you like promised".

I tried, but couldn't hold the tears back. I ran out of the auditorium bawling my eyes out. I was so shocked. Was this real? How can it be possible? My Grandma has been gone for at least 13 years, and my great Grandmother has been gone for 3. After a hug from my roommate and a few deep, DEEP breaths I re-entered the room, eager to ask another question. After listening to everyone else in the room asking questions, and reacting the same way I did, I raised my hand again. This time, while trying not to cry, I asked "Is there anything my Grandma has to say to me?"..seconds later i hear "things will get better soon, I will help, I will help, I will help (she said it numerous amounts of times)". Once again, I start crying because I KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT! And it was her voice!

Scary? Maybe to some, but to me, it was truly amazing. The feelings going though me were crazy. I was scared, happy and shocked all at the same time. That CAN'T be good for you! This was an experience I will NEVER forget.

...and she was right. Things DID get better. slowly, but they are getting better.

~THANK YOU GRANDMA.
I LOVE YOU!~

Is it summer yet?

Today I am grateful for..

1. Another beautiful day.
2. Cinnamon rolls.
3. Good night ahead of me.

It's nearing March, and already I have North Carolina on my brain! This year my family and I are renting a different house. The process of renting this house is way different than what were used to. Instead of the owner sending us the keys, we have to pick them up at reality office. No one is particular owns the homes in this little community (old nags head). We can't check in until 3 in the afternoon on Sat. July 11, so we won't have to leave at midnight this year. Well, we may but were going to arrive very early. Oh yeah, Matt decided to tag along too. I'm hoping and praying that his parents won't give him any problems about going since he's going to Ocean City in June. This may sound mean, but I secretly don't want him to go to O.C. because I have a feeling his parents won't let him go on two vacations.

But besides thinking about vacation nonstop, I'm trying to focus on getting this semester over with. May really needs to come faster. The living situation is just the most uncomfortable environment anymore. I LOVE when the roomies who cause the drama leave. I'm always hoping that they find something to do, or somewhere to go during the week so their not at the apartment. Mean? Well, if you had to live with it, you might think the same thing.

well I'm off to take a shower and work on some homework...maybe.

- Jordan

The weekend started early for me..

Today I am NOT greatful for..

1. Waiting room at Urgent Care
2. Discovering I have bronchitis.
3. Having bad lungs
4. Fog.

Well, with Jessie and Kaylin leaving Thursday, I just couldn't be at the apartment with the other three alone. At first I didn't read too much into it. As time went on, I knew I couldn't do it. While i was packing up to leave, they were all in my bedroom and it was incredibly awkward.

I'm happier at home, it used to be the other way around. Funny how things work out, huh?

beeeautiful day

Today I am greatful for..

1. irish breakfast tea. mm
2. easy mac
3. the sun
4. ordering my steve madden boots off zappos.
5. new jeans.

the sun is out and not a cloud in the sky! such a beautiful day, i wish i was driving home today. home sounds good right about now, anything but here.


NOT greatful for..
1. piling drama
2. childishness
3. not being home
4. my actions going unrecognized.
5. this damn cough that STILL isn't gone.

Everyday..

... jessie and i playing around with her macbook. and some of my photo editing skills.

today I am grateful for..
1. semi good food (for once)
2. getting the money back on the house I was supposed to live in for the next 3 years. thank god.
3. secret life tonight, despite the awkwardness it will cause with everyone in the living room.
4. the sun being out today
5. wegmans

I am NOT grateful for..
1. the wind
2. the cold
3. the DRAMA
4. awkwardness.
5. not being able to eat some of the food I bought because I'm sick :[


Everyday this apartment becomes incredibly tense. Worse than the day before. There is always some kind of issue, or someone is acting childish. I really don't like feeling like I'm in high school again, I feel like socially, I went down a notch. Not cool, not cool at all.

BUT, summer is on my mind constantly. I can't wait for spring break and of course, summer 09. It should be a good one, and I should be able to work at the same place. If not, well, that's just going to suck.

well that's all for today.

Currently...

Well, here is my first blog, and already I'm starting off strong. The last few weeks here at Penn Tech have been rough. My 5 roommates and I (well three of them) haven't been seeing eye to eye. They claim to not see anything wrong, but I just don't see how that is possible. When you go places without telling the others, or go into the bathroom and shut the door to take pictures and not ask anyone else, or dress up and look all fancy for the movies (still see absolutely no point in that) and not tell anyone else, wouldn't you see something wrong? This may be petty drama, but I for one do not wish to be in this situation. It's so stressful.

Being home, is like heaven. Well no, not like, IS heaven! If I didn't have the boyfriend, and the other two roomies, I wouldn't be sane!