Chris Martin from the band Coldplay, couldn't have said it better in his song "fix you"..
"When you try your best but you don't succeed, when you get what you want, but not what you need"..
This line basically sums up my life as of right now. Unfortunately, things this semester are taking a rotten turn like last semester. It's very annoying and very depressing everyday to think. "why am I giving it my all and ending up empty handed?"
some may say that I'm NOT giving it my all, by results..but believe me I AM!
I'm the kind of person who sometimes tries very hard, but ends up getting screwed over,
and that is exactly what is happening right now. It sucks, but I'm used to being disappointed, unfortunately. This feeling is nothing new to me, but it brings me down, and gives me absolutly no hope that there will ever be improvement.
But what do you do when you feel like your at your wits end? When you feel like this is it..I'm done wasting time and money doing something that I'm not good at and know I will NEVER be good at it. My major is not math, it is Human Services, which does NOT involve math. So why, why WHY am I forced to do this? I was never ever EVER good at mathematics..never..and now this is big time, where if I don't do well, I'm cut from the college. I want to finish my four years out, I absolutely do NOT want to be kicked out because of something that will NEVER change with me. It isn't my attitude or the way I think about it, IT IS WHAT IT IS and it will ALWAYS be that way.
right now, I could punch someone/something.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
why does it have to be so complicated?
Well to start this one off, I am in the most awkward mood.
have you ever caught yourself missing something, or wanting something you know you just shouldn't miss or want? Well right now, I feel that way. But what it is that I miss or want, I don't know.
How confusing right? It's rather annoying. But anyway, I'm on spring break and so far so good, kind of. This week will probably consist of doing nothing, attempting my book report, and getting messy at the st. patty's parade on Sunday, depending upon the status of friends that day. Oh so exciting huh? Not really. Summer needs to get here already. I need sunny days when I can lay a blanket out in the backyard and enjoy the sun. Not to mention OBX, NC. My most favorite getaway.
As for now, I have to deal with this strange feeling, and the cold. In 2 days it will be 2 months until school is done, and I can not be any happier.
well I guess thats it for now. Goodnight, or should I say, Good morning.
have you ever caught yourself missing something, or wanting something you know you just shouldn't miss or want? Well right now, I feel that way. But what it is that I miss or want, I don't know.
How confusing right? It's rather annoying. But anyway, I'm on spring break and so far so good, kind of. This week will probably consist of doing nothing, attempting my book report, and getting messy at the st. patty's parade on Sunday, depending upon the status of friends that day. Oh so exciting huh? Not really. Summer needs to get here already. I need sunny days when I can lay a blanket out in the backyard and enjoy the sun. Not to mention OBX, NC. My most favorite getaway.
As for now, I have to deal with this strange feeling, and the cold. In 2 days it will be 2 months until school is done, and I can not be any happier.
well I guess thats it for now. Goodnight, or should I say, Good morning.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Thank you Grandma..the deceased one?
Ok so, this has been on my mind all day (thanks to watching my Ghost Hunters Season 2 DVD's), Back in Oct. of 2008, a man by the name of Christopher Moon visited my school, and did a presentation on spirits, followed by a "ghost hunt", and time to chat with someone from the other side. WELL...I thought this 'telephone to the dead' was a spoof. Chris gave a breif history on the thing, and that he has a contact on the other side who goes by the name of Tyler. Tyler is 18 and died in Colorodo I think. Tyler helps Chris get in contact with whomever you wish to speak to.
For someone who is a devoted believer in spirits, I wasn't too sure about this box that Mr. Moon had set up. I mean come on, this is the kind of thing you see in movies and on t.v. so how can it possibly be 100% real....I was soon about to find out. Christopher told everyone in the room to feel free and ask a question. No one raised their hand, so I decided to try it out, after all it may not work. A man helping with all the technical stuff handed me a microphone and I asked, "is my great grandmother with my grandmother", Chris asked me my name, then my Grandmother's names. A few seconds later you hear out of the box "yeeesss". following the 'yes' was a "always watching you like promised".
I tried, but couldn't hold the tears back. I ran out of the auditorium bawling my eyes out. I was so shocked. Was this real? How can it be possible? My Grandma has been gone for at least 13 years, and my great Grandmother has been gone for 3. After a hug from my roommate and a few deep, DEEP breaths I re-entered the room, eager to ask another question. After listening to everyone else in the room asking questions, and reacting the same way I did, I raised my hand again. This time, while trying not to cry, I asked "Is there anything my Grandma has to say to me?"..seconds later i hear "things will get better soon, I will help, I will help, I will help (she said it numerous amounts of times)". Once again, I start crying because I KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT! And it was her voice!
Scary? Maybe to some, but to me, it was truly amazing. The feelings going though me were crazy. I was scared, happy and shocked all at the same time. That CAN'T be good for you! This was an experience I will NEVER forget.
...and she was right. Things DID get better. slowly, but they are getting better.
~THANK YOU GRANDMA.
I LOVE YOU!~
For someone who is a devoted believer in spirits, I wasn't too sure about this box that Mr. Moon had set up. I mean come on, this is the kind of thing you see in movies and on t.v. so how can it possibly be 100% real....I was soon about to find out. Christopher told everyone in the room to feel free and ask a question. No one raised their hand, so I decided to try it out, after all it may not work. A man helping with all the technical stuff handed me a microphone and I asked, "is my great grandmother with my grandmother", Chris asked me my name, then my Grandmother's names. A few seconds later you hear out of the box "yeeesss". following the 'yes' was a "always watching you like promised".
I tried, but couldn't hold the tears back. I ran out of the auditorium bawling my eyes out. I was so shocked. Was this real? How can it be possible? My Grandma has been gone for at least 13 years, and my great Grandmother has been gone for 3. After a hug from my roommate and a few deep, DEEP breaths I re-entered the room, eager to ask another question. After listening to everyone else in the room asking questions, and reacting the same way I did, I raised my hand again. This time, while trying not to cry, I asked "Is there anything my Grandma has to say to me?"..seconds later i hear "things will get better soon, I will help, I will help, I will help (she said it numerous amounts of times)". Once again, I start crying because I KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT! And it was her voice!
Scary? Maybe to some, but to me, it was truly amazing. The feelings going though me were crazy. I was scared, happy and shocked all at the same time. That CAN'T be good for you! This was an experience I will NEVER forget.
...and she was right. Things DID get better. slowly, but they are getting better.
~THANK YOU GRANDMA.
I LOVE YOU!~
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